Mom, Dad. Can we talk? Answers to top questions about discussing LTC planning

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Mom and Dad, Can We Talk? Answers to Top Questions About Discussing Long-Term Care Planning

Recently, the founder of Elder Law Answers, Harry Margolis, answered some questions relating to talking with aging parents or other family members about sensitive issues such as wills, funeral arrangements, assisted living and medical treatment wishes. The questions and answers are good ones, so I am passing them along:

Click here to read the article. This topic was a focus of my book "Estate Planning Through Family Meetings" so clearly I'm in favour of finding ways to have constructive family conversations on tough topics.

Boomers getting involved in parents' finances

For those of you looking for ideas (or courage) to begin conversations with your aging parents about their finances, this article from NevadaAppeal.com has some good ideas. Click here to read the article. This topic was also one of the main focus points of my book, Estate Planning Through Family Meetings (Without Breaking up the Family).

Sex, Drugs and Seniors

Attached is a link to a very good article in Solutions Magazine which talks about how the sex lives of seniors are still very much alive. It discusses how medications can either help or hinder a senior's sex life and gives tips on how to have "the talk" about safe sex with a senior parent who is beginning to date again. To read the article, click here.

Can you believe that Sonny Bono didn't have a Will?

I often recommend to people who are searching for a way to open a conversation about wills, death, mental incapacity and other subjects that most normal people just don't want to talk about, that they simply look at the latest celebrity estate disaster. All of the issues that arise for these famous folks arise for the rest of us as well. Whether it's an illegitimate child, a lost Will, a bequest that makes people angry, these things happen when there is no Will or a poorly prepared Will.

In Sonny Bono's case, a "love child" came out of nowhere to make a claim against the estate and his widow had to deal with that devastating occurence right after losing her husband. This happens to other people too, who are not as famous.

Steven A. Morelli wrote an article called "The Lessons of Famously Bad Estate Planning" which appeared in InsuranceNewsNet Magazine. It's really entertaining, while being horrifying at the same time. To read the article, click here.

What not to say to your parents about estate planning

Do your parents have Wills, Enduring Powers of Attorney and Personal Directives in place? If not, how do you motivate them to get going on these documents? Not all parents appreciate getting advice from their own kids about legal and financial affairs. But if your parents are getting on in years, or if one of them is showing the early signs of incapacity, or if they have a business or cottage to deal with, you may feel some urgency for them to have proper estate planning documents in place.

It's frustratingly easy to make mistakes when talking about touchy subjects, and doing so can sometimes send a small struggle spiraling into a huge dispute. You do have to be careful and think through what you will say and how you will say it before approaching your parents. The idea is to minimize upset.

Here are some things you should not do when trying to motivate your parents into doing their estaet planning. Many of them are simply common sense:

- Don't accuse your parents of being lazy, selfish or negligent because they haven't done their planning.

- Don't tell your parents that they are bad people are lousy parents for not taking care of their planning.

- Don't frighten your parents by saying things like "you could die tomorrow" or "you're sicker than you realize".

- Don't threaten your parents that you will cut them out of your life or keep their grandchildren away uless they get on with their planning. Also, don't threaten that if they don't take action, you will take matters out of their hands and force a solution on them.

- Don't make it about you. It's their planning.

- Don't give false or misleading information in an attempt to scare or trick your parents into action.

- Don't be impatient. Let them move at their own pace, as long as the planning is actually under way.

These (and others) are talked about in some detail in my new book, Estate Planning Through Family Meetings, which will be on store shelves in another couple of months.