Here it is, this year's gift guide for lawyers. I've been doing these lists for a few years now and I know some of you just can't finish your shopping without them. As you can probably tell, people in my family hate getting gifts from me, never mind getting gifts for me.
Anyway, here are my top ten ideas for 2017 for showing the lawyer in your life just how special he or she is to you.
10. Weapon of Choice key ring. Is this a pacifist message along the lines of "the pen is mightier than the sword"? Or is it a veiled way of threatening to kick someone's ass using your legal talent? That's up to you.
9. "Send lawyers, guns, and money; the shit has hit the fan" bracelet. I love this one. I wonder if the judge will find it funny if I wear it to court.
8. "Instant Lawyer" mug. This gift may be a little too reality-based for those of you who do not function without your morning caffeine hit. But it's probably more fair to the rest of the world to let them know that you need this before they get too close.
7. "Always Get it in Writing" pen. I agree this is a pretty cheap-looking pen. But the message! Oh so valuable.
6. Lawyer tree ornaments. Is it weird to want to hang all of your associates and partners by a string from a tree?
5. "Approach the Bench" chess set. If the lawyer in your life plays chess, this is perfect. If they don't play chess, it's even more perfect because it can sit on a table in a corner of the office and make them look smarter than they really are.
4. "Lawsuit" game. This is a game for lawyers who don't see the problem with making their whole family play a game that's all about their career. Who cares if the rest of the family is made up of doctors, bakers, electricians, or engineers? Let's make it about ME.
3. Colouring book for lawyers. Why should lawyers be left out of the colouring book craze? This book endorses cynicism, sexism, and capitalism. Fun! To see more of this hilarious book, click here.
2. 2018 lawyer desk calendar. The box says "jokes, quotes, and anecdotes" so this might be just right if the lawyer in your life just doesn't find his or her daily life so amusing.
1. Satan's Advice to Young Lawyers book. Nuff said.
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