Inheritance and real estate: What to do when our grown kids fight over our money

A fact that many find hard to accept is that controversy and disharmony affect almost every family after the parents pass away. In some, the issues are eventually resolved in a way that allows the family to remain on good terms. In many others, the disagreements are permanent; the children can no longer tolerate each other because of what was said and done after the parents' deaths.

Planning ahead really can help this situation. Parents really can reduce the likelihood that their family won't survive as a unit. The problem is that parents simply won't admit that it could happen with their kids. They somehow are able to convince themselves that their own children are superior to the rest of the human race in terms of suppressing greed, resentment, grief and anger.

It's not up to me to persuade any particular person that their children are less wonderful than they think. I'm a parent; I understand how we idealize our own kids. However, every parent should ask himself or herself whether they'd intervene if their children were fighting over something controlled by the parent. Would they step in if they knew there was an argument going on from which their kids would simply not recover? Of course they would. So why not prevent that fight in the first place?

Understanding that your kids (and their spouses) may have a bad reaction when you pass away or when you lose mental capacity does NOT mean you don't love them.

I found an article at www.vibrantnation.com that gives some suggestions for prevention of the turmoil and disputes that could arise. Click here to read it. Although the title suggests that it's about real estate, it actually talks more about personal and household possessions than the title to the house.

In the article there is a reference to the fact that a videotaped message would be read at "the reading of the will". In my experience, there is rarely, if ever, an actual reading of the will for the family. However, if a videotape such as the one suggested in this article were to be prepared and the lawyer knew about it, a showing would be held for the family.