Mom's in a nursing home; can we sell her house and divide the money?

Do you believe that other people should be allowed to take your money away from you - and I'm talking hundreds of thousands of dollars - because you are old and they think you don't need it? Of course not! So why do so many people think they can help themselves to their parents' estates without permission before the parents even pass away?

Here is a note I recently received from a reader:

"My mother has just been panelled to a Nursing Home. We are 5 children and one is her POA, and executor. Her will says that the house is to be sold and divided between the 5 children. Is it not best to sell the house right away and divide the money between the children, rather than keep it in a seperate account till she passes?"

Would it be best to sell the house and divide the money right away? Best for whom? And why are you following the will of someone who isn't dead?

This is a subject that I've been asked about many times over the years, and I have to confess that it irritates me no end. Your mother's will says that the five of you are to inherit the proceeds of the sale of the house after she passes away.  That's what wills do; they talk about what happens to an estate after a person dies. She hasn't passed away. Therefore, no, you can't have the money.

The executor has zero power to do anything at all while your mother is alive. The will has no effect while your mother is alive. So nobody gets to act as her executor yet. Forget the executor and the will while your mother is still alive. I hope I've made this point clearly enough, not just for you but for all of the other readers who ask me this question repeatedly.

Now let's look at the attorney acting under the Power of Attorney (POA). Has the POA been brought into effect? Don't assume that because your mother is going to a nursing home that the POA is automatically in effect. Going into a home likely has no effect on it at all. The person named in the document should read it carefully to see what has to happen to spring it into effect. In many provinces that means having a doctor sign a declaration of incapacity.

Once the attorney under the POA has properly sprung the document into effect, the attorney has to do what is in the best interest of your mother. Maybe this means selling the house. If your mother is never going to be able to live there again, then perhaps that's the best thing to do financially. However - and this point is NOT to be overlooked - the sale proceeds of the house must be invested for your mother. The attorney under the POA does not have the legal right to distribute the funds to you five. He or she risks financial penalties, removal from the job of POA and perhaps even jail time for that, depending on the circumstances.

Rarely do posts move me to use quite as much underlining as I've used in this one, but this topic is so important. Over and over again, I see children with an over-inflated sense of entitlement taking money that doesn't belong to them on the philosophy that "one day it will be theirs". That day hasn't arrived yet.